Stories of Hope: Lessons from My Father

There is something to be said that during one of the most trying periods of modern history, we witnessed some of the greatest acts of humanity. Though COVID-19 has brought so much loss and pain, the pandemic has also highlighted our never-ending ability to help those we see in need.

Doctors and nurses worked months without breaks, adults and children alike organized national and sometimes global fundraisers and virtual events, and normal people made sure every small act they did, from getting take-out at a restaurant to spending time on Zoom with an older relative stuck inside, was an act that made a positive impact on those who were struggling.

During this time of fear, grief, and loss, I look to my father and the aftermath of September 11 to remember the stories of strength, hope, and perseverance that allowed us to keep moving forward together.

After my father Timothy John Hargrave died on September 11, 2001, my family would spend hours telling stories about him to me and my sisters, then ages four, six, and eight, so there was no chance we could forget who he was. We learned about his desire for peace, his obsession with chocolate and the New York Mets and about his thirst for knowledge. But most importantly, we learned about his compassion. We learned he was always willing to help someone out — whether they were a friend, a family member, or a stranger — with no expectation of anything in return.

He did it simply because he believed it was the right thing to do. We were reminded of the time my sister’s soccer team needed a coach and he volunteered even though he’d never played a minute of soccer in his life. Though he worked in a business that was very competitive, and at times ruthless, he was always willing to help the new kid on the desk. He wasn’t afraid to share his knowledge with anyone as long as they played by the rules and abided by the same code of ethics.

Not only were my sisters and I told about our father’s selflessness and compassion, we got to see it in action through his family and friends. In the days, months, and years following the attacks, we were surrounded by countless friends and family who were always there to help my mom out. They brought us to sports games and play dates, took us on walks, read to us before bed. Just like my dad was there for anyone in need, his friends and family were there for us when he was gone.

When my family told me stories about my dad and his want to help anyone in need, we also learned, like my father, to judge people by their deeds and their hearts, not by the color of their skin, their country of origin or their religion. I believe the desire to help others during difficult times is inherent in all of us, and as we have seen especially in this past year, we are all willing to act on it.

During the best of times and the worst of times, I’m inspired by my dad’s compassion and his want to help a neighbor, a friend, or a stranger. We must remember that by working together, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

By Amy Hargrave, 9/11 Memorial Museum